Dear Help a Sister Out:
I’m recently divorced. Don’t feel bad for me bcs he’s someone else’s problem now. There are A LOT of people that think he’s a good person. I know the truth. How do I respond to those that are blind to his ways?
Dear Sighted,
Girl! You were in the Helen Keller of Hell and now you see again! It’s an F’n Christmas miracle! Go ahead and pat yourself on the back. Most women choose to stay in the blind zone. Did you hear that? Choose. You took off those rose-colored glasses and saw the ass before you. Not a pretty site, I’m sure. The good news is….ass stinks and you just Febreezed your way back to freedom! So tell me why you feel the need to let others in on your revelation? Just like “former you” they will believe exactly none of it. He didn’t win the Academy Award of Husbandry without some skill in the acting department. So, you do you and he can do anyone he wants. And so can you by the way. The difference is, he probably has a small penis to go with his big bag of lies so why not let the “others” come (pun) to their own conclusions. How you handle this is a reflection of you. You don’t need to take him down to lift you up. He’s already there just waiting for someone else to trip over him. Bye boy bye.
XO
kellerB
Dear Help a Sister Out:
I live in a retirement community and am on the board. These people bitch and complain about everything. I’m thinking of giving them my resignation as I didn’t anticipate spending my golden years like this. One person told me to put my big girl panties on! I almost lost it. Do I need this in my life?
Dear Panties in a Bunch,
Girl! That’s gotta hurt! No one likes their big girl panties scrunched up tight. So let’s pick this apart and see what can be done. First of all, you did a good thing. Sitting on the board to help enrich the community you live in is a selfless act and should be commended. Had you known it was the Real Housewives of Retirement, perhaps you would have thought better of signing up for that shit show. You said it best…these are your golden years. You don’t need this! However, remember why you signed on in the first place….to make things better. If you leave, these bitches win and the community suffers. I challenge you to tighten your bra straps, gather up a posse of liked minded sisters and give that board a facelift! It won’t happen overnight so you may need to grab you some Chardonnay and hang on until the next election. And the next time they tell you to put on your big girl panties….go ahead and strip from the waist down, pull some size 12XXX big girl draws outta your purse and put those bitches on. Perhaps a bit of shock and awe is what they need. If it’s all too much, throw a match to the wind and spend your pre-death days drinking wine by the pool. Aint nobody got time for that kinda dram after 50.
XO
kellerB
Dear Help a Sister Out:
My Mother-in-law likes to put me down. Do you have any suggestions to deal with her behavior?
Dear Doormat,
Girl! Aint nothin worse than a MIL from hell. I must ask…was she always like this? Assuming sonny boy didn’t knock you up and strap you to the alter, she must have showed signs of being a Twat Waffle before now, no? I pray you didn’t overlook her behavior bcs of your love for her demon seed. Mother’s love their sons and seldom like to share said love with another woman. You gotta have mad skills to get on team Mom. I’m very lucky in that department in that my MIL loves me. Quite frankly, who wouldn’t? Anywho, back to the Twat Waffle…you need to schedule some alone time with her. A lunch or a trip to the gyno. Whatever she wants. Ask if you’ve done something to offend her or if she’s always been a big fat bitch. Perhaps a little softer on the close. Does your husband condone her behavior? If so you should definitely give him a dose of the old “takeaway.” Something like, “If your BOAM (Bitch of A Mother) can’t be civil, I’ll just have to forego any family outings in the future. Do you see the win/win in this situation? NO MORE FAMILY OUTINGS! JESUS TAKE THE ACTUAL WHEEL! I should get paid for this. If that doesn’t work, get a lover. No strings. No MIL. End of story.
XO
kellerB