Dear Help a Sister Out,
I have a dinner party to go to and I’m curious about etiquette. It’s my husbands boss hosting and I don’t know what I should bring. I’m not sure if they drink, what they drink and so on. What should I wear? I don’t want to look too hot and have his boss think I’m some sex pot or too conservative and then he think me a frump. Just not sure what to do. Any ideas?
Dear Bartles & Jane,
In the future more deets would be helpful mmmmmkay. Like who all’s going? How long has hubby worked for him. Little nuggets like that keep me from angering. So now I’m angry and it’s your fault. What I hear you saying is that you are slutty by day and need a way to cover it up at night so his boss doesn’t think you are a Ho. Girl…Ho shines through mmmmkkkay. Wear and turtleneck and offer to say the blessing. How the hell do I know what to bring the man your husband has the misfortune of working for? If you bring wine you’ll be judged on the vintage and the price. Something tells me you are a Bartles & James kinda gal so leave the vino to the pros. How about some flowers? Be sure to cut off the 3 for $12 sticker. If you want to get real classy put them in a vase with water. Hiding ones inner cheap slutty self is not for the faint of heart. You may need to Google and practice. If all else fails revert back to being slutty. Let your confidence shine through. Who knows, your husband may even get a raise. You’re welcome.
XO
kellerB
Dear Help a Sister Out,
I’m getting ready to go on vacation but I don’t want to spend a lot of money. Times are lean right now but I need to get away. The trip is already paid for so I’m trying to come up with a way not to spend a ton of money and have fun. My husband I are going on a cruise and we are super excited. I just don’t want to come home broke and stressed. Got some advice for me?
Dear Chloe does Carnival,
I’m sorry what? Cruising is a floating freebee! You buy the booze package and graze non stop for a week. Where exactly are you spending money? In room porn? In which case … treat yourself! Or do a little jig for your hubby and save a penny. Assuming he would want to see you naked…if not revert to porn post haste. Seriously what is your issue?! People are waiting in line for my help and you come to me with this nonsense? If you are worried about spending money at port stay on the f’ing ship ho bag. I fail to see your issue. Go play shuffleboard, have Issac make you a drink and let Julie know when you run out of cash. Personally I’d push you over the side but lucky for you I’m not your cruising friend. Bye girl bye.
XO
kellerB
Dear Help a Sister Out,
I’m dreading election season. Everyone is already so opinionated. The closer we get to election time the more I need to hide. I feel like any opinion is the wrong opinion. Why can’t we talk about something else. Everyone is so self-righteous. It doesn’t matter what you think…there’s someone waiting to tell you why you are wrong. It makes socializing difficult to say the least. My “friends” become people I don’t recognize and I don’t like it. What’s a girl to do?
Dear Write me in,
List-en….if your friends are the assholes that think you have to believe what they believe, they aren’t your friends. MMMMMMkkkkkaay. You are entitled to your opinion even if they disagree. Don’t even go there with them. Who you support is your business. If their candidate wins, you can spend the next 4 years reminding them what fucktards they are. Often. Fair is fair. Hell I want to be President! It appears you don’t have to know much, don’t have to do much and sexy time in the Oval Office is fair game. What’s not to like?! I could make sensible allowances like no tax on wine and BOGO everything. I’m just not in the mood for all the attention my common sense agenda would bring. I might actually have to work and that defeats the point. So run as fast as you can away from anyone who does not agree with you….yes I’m changing lanes. You won’t get anywhere hiding out. The best advice I can give you….kellerB for President 2024! Scandal!
XO
kellerB