The hubs and I are just back from an amazing trip from Venice to Rome by way of the stunning Croatian Coast. We went on our very first cruise! To be clear, I am not your cruising friend. Buffets and Bacteria are not my jam…mmmkkay. Scorn me for being “bougie” – you aren’t wrong. I’m sort of “nuevo bougie” in that I’ve been known to pee outside, but you won’t catch me drinking cheap wine or taking cheap vacations. I have my limits. Unfriend me if you must. I’ve since learned the Europeans frown on public urination and prefer to charge 1 Euro per bathroom experience. Expensive habit, peeing abroad. Noted. I was fresh off watching “Poop Cruise” on Netflix…happy to pay thank you. So, we went “Bougie-Cruising” on the Windstar sailing vessel “WindSurf.” It’s a gorgeous sailboat that holds roughly 340 people. You’ll note that’s about 10,000 less people than a standard cruise. More in line with the number of people I can tolerate. I was super sketch when booked bcs I’m also not your “canned” fun friend. I don’t do all inclusive vacations, and we’ve previously discussed my disdain for organized white people dancing shenanigans. My hackles were definitely up. I would be more than pleasantly surprised.
We met up with my cousin Cindy and her husband Michael and caught the overnight from Philly to Venice. True to my bougie nature, I upgraded the hubs and I to one of those sleeping pods. I didn’t tell him until we boarded. I live in fear of his budgetary constraints on my traveling life. They do not always align with the manner to which I want to be accustomed. Ugghum. He was quite pleased. Score. Flying first class is trickery. You picture yourself eating and drinking for hours whilst the flight attendants bow to your every need. Sort of true. The flights attendants were amazing. I slept for 5 hours straight. Very expensive flying hotel. I did partake in some Champs and a bit of cheese/crackers but honestly, I just wanted to sleep. When you fly to Europe you want to get on “their time” as soon as you arrive to avoid jetlag. “Fluffy” was refreshed and ready when we landed in Venice. Aside from a bit of morning breathe and mascara smudge, I was ready to roll. I am not one of those girls who travels in Stilettos and takes a “Ho Bath” prior to landing. I’m more of your Run DMC joggers and cute accessories for the win. Since I only upgraded that portion of our trip, I bid the flying Ritz Carlton “Adieu.”
We arrived in Venice a day before we had to board the boat for 2 reasons: 1. I live in fear of delays and 2. I needed to live out my fantasy of being Angelina Jolie in the “Tourist.” Both valid concerns. The Hilton sent a driver to pick us up. Well in theory. While I had visions of our name on some swanky poster board and man in a tux, said man was nowhere to be found. Instead, we hauled our luggage around until Cindy braved her skills at speaking Italian with the hotel concierge. Soon a man appeared. Not in a tux… but damn if he didn’t have on nice Italian loafers and very GQ looking attire. Touche’ Italy. Your men know how to dress. He whisked us off to the port where we would meet the boat that would carry us to the hotel. The boat was a polished wooden vessel with a top that opened in the back and middle. Very James Bondesque. When they say there are no cars in Venice…they mean it. It’s a good damn thing I scaled down my packing to 1 and a half suitcases. We stayed at the Hilton Molino Stucky in Venice. It’s this amazing hotel that use to be an old flour Mill. Completely renovated, this place has a rooftop bar/pool overlooking Venice, it’s stunning! Check it out for yourself: https://www.hilton.com/en/hotels/vcehihi-hilton-molino-stucky-venice/?SEO_id=GMB-EMEA-HI-VCEHIHI
Stunning is the appropriate word as that’s what I was when I saw the bill for one night…. moving right along. We spent the time we had in Venice seeing all there was to see. To be clear, that isn’t true. We could have stayed for a week and not seen all there is to see. The highlights for me: Having cocktails in St. Marks Square whilst people stopped to dance to the Trio playing live music behind us. It was very moving to see people so free and expressing their joy. Exploring the canals that weave in between the beautiful buildings. So colorful and rich in history. Enjoying lunch at a hidden café. The homemade pasta perfectly cooked, tiramisu (OMG) and coffee…the coffee is amazing! And to be clear I drink decaf…no one wants to serve me coffee. No one! It’s pointless. But I’ll be damn if it wasn’t the best decaf ever…if such a thing exists. Listen…I already go 100mph. Give me caffeine and that will happen once. Just once. The wine, as you might expect, was soooo good! The pours were a bit small or perhaps I am aggressive. More than likely the latter. Loved Moretti beer! The water taxis are a must…not the public water taxis…the private ones. It will set you back about 80 Euros but it’s worth it! Weaving in and out of canals, under the over passes…. don’t forget to duck! Almost lost my head! We didn’t have time for a Gondola ride but really…water taxi was waayyyy more fun!
People in Italy love to hang their clothes out to dry. Somehow it blends into the historic scenery seamlessly. In an attempt to “blend” I decided to wash my jean jacket and hang it in the window to dry. Cultural Redneck? Perhaps. Better than peeing outside I suppose. Speaking of redneck, let’s talk toilets…with an “s.” Because you know there are 2 in every bathroom in Europe. I never thought much about the 2nd one bcs I’m a butt wipe gal. My butt wipes travel everywhere with me. No one likes a dirty butt now do they? I knew the “bidet’ was for washing of the lady/man bits. However, I sure did think you did #2 in the bidet and sprayed down the undercarriage. Luckily, I conferred with hubs before carrying out my mission or I surely would have had some explaining to do! Anyone who knows me knows I move fast. I talk fast, walk fast and think fast. Oh and pee fast! It’s a skill. Nowhere in my time management driven brain did I think of switching from one ass catcher to another. So wait…you want me to make a deposit in one bank and then launder the money at another. So confusing. I think I’ll just handle everything at “Shiti Bank.” One day I’ll brave the bootie wash…just not this day.
Moving right along. We didn’t really know where we were to board the boat on Sunday, but these are details best left to someone else. Luckily for us, it was directly across the water from our hotel! We woke up on Sunday morning in awe of the beautiful lady Windsurf (said with a thick Croatian accent- more on this later) and her magnificent sails. True to form, I asked the ship peeps what the drop-dead time was for boarding. I did not want to spend all day on the boat whilst I was trying to live out my Angelina Jolie fantasies and waiting for my laundry to dry. Line drying takes time! We had to board by 4 pm so there was time for one more excursion through the canals of Venice. When I tell you I could have swam from the hotel to the boat, we were that close. 90 Euros later for a water taxi and I full on expected James Bond himself to be driving . And with less attitude mmmkkkay. Somebody shit in the wrong bidet at his house fo’ sho.
All aboard! I was expecting to be greeted by Julie, Issac, Doc and Capt.’ Stubing….so what did I get? You’ll find out next time!
Ciao!
kellerB