Today I attended a celebration of life for yet another friend that passed away well before her time. What in the actual hell is going on?! I’m not even 51 and I’m losing friends quicker than I’m making them. I never remember my parents losing so many friends in their 50’s. It’s maddening. Back when I was young, funerals were for super old folks that smelled like plastic and had no teeth. Now it feels like the older folks are living longer and the younger generation is dying in the prime of life. If you ask an older person why this is they will tell you they didn’t have cell phones, computers, social media and etc. There weren’t toxins in their food and they exercised more as a part of every day life. Somewhere in there they left out whiskey and cigarettes’ but that’s ok. I know there’s supposed to be some Grand Master Plan but lately I’m having trouble figuring out who’s at the helm. Yes, of course I know it’s God or whatever spiritual being keeps your morals in check. I’m starting to think Jesus maybe had too much Rose’ or something. The ship is out of control! Everyone likes to say things like “God has a plan or “He needed him/her more than we did.” I hate cookie cutter conversation. Yet we nod, accept it as fact and move through the grieving process. Something different happened today….there was a narrative shared by those who loved Kim and it wasn’t cookie cutter at all. The message was life. Focus on life. Live your life. Enjoy your life. Wear the shoes…
As a writer I often find irony in things other people overlook. Today’s service was held on the top floor of Jeanette’s Pier which boasts stunning views from ocean to sound. Below us were people slathered in sunblock, swimming in the tropical green waters of the Atlantic enjoying their summer vacation. Children were screaming and splashing around without a care in the world. Yet two floors up sat a group of almost 200 locals mourning the loss of someone who was as vibrant and lively as the children playing below. Irony. It made me feel like she was there directing the day. From the green water to the stories shared by those who loved her, it was truly a “Kimmy” day. Just how she would have wanted it to be. I did not cry. Not because I wasn’t sad. Because the room was filled with so much life by the stories shared and in those moments I was able to focus on her life and not the loss. It made me smile for her bcs I know that’s what she would have wanted.
I read somewhere something like…if only we treated people as well in life as we do in death. I thought about that a lot today. When we come together to celebrate a life, we share all of the wonderful things about that person. How amazingly kind, thoughtful and loved they were. Do we do that enough when they are alive? Maybe not. I know I don’t. Human nature leads us to judge and criticize each other more than we should. So what if we lived like the old cliché’ suggests “as if every day was our last.” Would you be more inclined to just live? Would you tell your friends how awesome they are? Would you stop worrying about your messy house and go enjoy the day? Would you pick up the phone and call whoever just to say “I was thinking of you?” No you would not. Because humans are a strange breed. We know where we are going but we don’t know when. So we tell ourselves it won’t happen until we are old and keep running the rat race of life. We forget to pause and make the phone call. Compliment someone. Appreciate someone. Take the vacation. Put family before work. All of it. We just assume it will all be there tomorrow. For some it is and for some it isn’t.
God works in mysterious ways. This I know. I was standing outside waiting for my husband to park the car so we could walk into the service together. I was talking to my friend Natasha when this lovely lady dressed in a beautiful black dress walked by. Immediately I noticed her shoes. They were stilettos with some sort of pink pattern on the heel. And they were high! I remember my first thought was “I wonder why she chose those to wear today?” Judgey McJudger…that’s me. I’m working on it. And then she got up and spoke. She told a story about Kim and her shoes. She and Kim had gone shoe shopping together and both picked up the same pair of shoes. Those shoes. They laughed and said they would have to wear them at the same time one day. That day never came. The shoes went in the closet and were forgotten about until today. The day she decided to wear them to honor Kim. She told us she wished she had the chance to wear them with her as the planned to do. It was as if Kim was there saying it to all of us, “Wear the shoes.” Well played my friend. Well played.