I’m not always funny….ok yes I am. I write from the perspective of several different personalities. Thus the side eyes in the grocery store from the people who’ve never met all of “me.” I love all of me, thank you very much. Even the cussing crass Dear Abby wanna be slinging less than useful advice -me. I get to be who ever comes out of me at any given time. And that’s a gift. It keeps me from slapping people in the grocery store which is generally frowned upon. Today I get to be grateful me. Enjoy…
I’m sitting on my screen porch listening to the dull hum of the fan attempting to overpower the sound of the rain pouring through the trees. The sun is trying to breakthrough but the rain will not relent. In the aftermath a beautiful rainbow appears. My senses are treated to the smell of crisp clean air and and sparkling wet leaves, heavy from the weight of the rain. The birds have come out of hiding to congregate on the feeder and fight for the best black oil seeds. I love a good thunder storm! I actually look forward to them. It gives me pause from the business of everything. Always on the run…its exhausting. But that’s what we do….busy….
I like to think summer is a time where people stop and enjoy the simple things we miss out on in the colder months. Like a bunch of bears that have come out of hiding, we shed pounds, clothing and anything else that needs to go to welcome the warmer weather. I love to just sit on the beach and take in the sights and sounds of summer. Waves crashing, children playing, random conversations and music waffling through the air just faint enough to make out a note or two. The smell of salt in the air, the feel of crunchy salty hair and skin, the coconutty smell of sunblock and the way the squishing sand feels between my toes. Can it get any better than that? Yes! A refreshing outside shower to ease the pain of sunburnt skin, a cocktail and a good book on the porch brings the perfect summer day to a close! The cost of a day like this…time. That is all. It just takes time to pause, be still and appreciate what’s right in front of you.
I tend to be pretty observant. And judgy if I’m being honest. People fascinate me. That’s code for annoy most of the time. I have the distinct pleasure of fighting the tourists for groceries every June-August. Good times. You would think people who go on vacation would leave their cares behind and enjoy everything summer has to offer. They do not. They jockey for position at the deli counter and fight over who got their bologna before they did. True story. Is bologna worth fighting for? Apparently. When they aren’t going to blows with “Oscar” they stare at their phones. To the point where their children are being swept out to sea by a rip current while they spin the Facebook wheel to see what vegetable they would be if they were so inclined to leave the bologna and go to the other side. I can’t make this shit up. And before you jump down my jeans, it’s not just the tourists. We are all angry, me first, phone looking down people. Guilty. I always have to have something in my hand. If I’m waiting on anything, I click over to Facebook to see who’s doing what. And most of the time someone is dead, dying or complaining so that sends me into a tailspin. I can’t just be still and wait. Always have to be doing….I hear half of what you say bcs I’m already thinking about the next thing. Our brains are on constant overload. And we wonder why we are angry?
And we count…everything. Steps, pounds, carbs…you name it. We are angry counter people. We validate who we are by counting things. It’s like the fuckin Rainmain has kidnapped our worth. Riddle me this…what did we do before we knew exactly how many steps we took each day? We just walked and that was that. How barbaric lol! Do we really need a watch telling us to get off our ass and move around. And then use it as a tool to punish ourselves for not doing enough? You know who you are….walking back and forth in your driveway just before midnight so you can hit 24,000 steps. What in the actual fuck? Where is the pleasure in walking? I do it every day. I listen to a book on Audible and enjoy the sights around me. I can’t imagine some arm pirate beeping at me telling me I need to do more! We step on the scale to determine if we did enough to stay on our own good side. If not, we punish. Lest we eat bread! Oh hell no! The Carb God’s will immediately strike you in the gut with a few extra inches! And it didn’t happen unless we post it on Facebook for all to see. It’s exhausting! There’s no room for moderation…. a little good mixed with a little bad. Nope. We do everything to the extreme. Don’t drink all week but come Friday….Sue Ellen is bellied up to the bar to binge! Get it girl!
I’m not exempt from the madness. I try to be self-ware and stop when I find myself doing these things but it’s super easy to get sucked in. Everything happens in a fictitious world that you need to be a part of to keep up. But do I want to keep up? What happens if I don’t? I miss my childhood. We stayed outside until it got dark and knew the penalty for not being home when the street lights came on. We didn’t have cable or the internet. We used tin foil to make antennas in hopes of getting channels 3,5 and 9. We used this rare thing called our imagination to pass the time. We built forts and played kickball. We walked or rode our bikes everywhere and found pleasure in simple things like TV dinners and staying up late to watch Dallas on a Friday night. We made popcorn and went to the drive in movies in our pajamas where we hung a speaker on our car window so we could hear what was going on. We hit *69 to see who called when our siblings were on the phone and we were waiting for an important call. At a $1 a pop our parents weren’t too happy to see the *69 charges on the bill! Thank God for call waiting. What a breakthrough! Our big family vacation was taking the whole family camping. We pitched a heavy canvas tent, slept on cots, swam all day, made smores and shared stories around the bonfire. We had to clean our plate and ask to be excused from the dinner table. There was order and respect. There were consequences for our actions. We didn’t get a medal unless we won. And we graduated one grade….12th. If you didn’t make it there, no pat on the back for you.
I’m sure my parents had stress and expectations but it wasn’t played out for all the world to see. They weren’t counting and staring at screens. They were present enough to beat our ass for whatever trouble found us. But that kept us on the straight and narrow. We had a healthy fear of right and wrong. We knew we had to work hard to get whatever we wanted. We weren’t angry. Or mentally exhausted. We were in the moment. We lived for what was right in front of us and made the best of it. I’m not suggesting life was easier or that technology hasn’t provided us with amazing advancements. As a cancer survivor I am thankful EVERY day for technology. I think we have forgotten who’s in control. Take off the watch and go for a walk. Bathe in your surroundings. Everything isn’t a competition. You are enough. Even on what you think is your worst day, I promise you there is someone wishing for your misery. So you’re overweight, out of shape, you drink too much wine….who cares. Be happy. Be present. If keeping up makes you angry, skip the bologna, make a good old fashion PB&J and watch re-runs of Fantasy Island. You’ll remember what it felt like to be disconnected. SO good…