Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Quick follow-up note on Skinegar…I saw her running on my way to work this morning and she was sporting some nice eye candy…Mr. Skinegar! Apparently the vinegar gives you a hot body and a hot husband! I almost wrecked the car trying to call Tara to tell her to look out the window. I was also trying not to get donut crumbs on my work clothes but they couldn’t see that thank God. What have we learned from this? A. Skinny hot people drink vinegar. 2. Skinny hot people have hot vinegar drinking husbands and B. Don’t eat donuts while driving….or any other time for that matter.
It’s raining today and we all know what that means…mindless eating take 1. I started the day with a 4 mile run and then promplty headed to the new Dunkin Donuts. What?!I had to get donut holes for a business meeting….and of course a treat for me. I was waiting in line at the drive through (SIF rule #432…never go in for the food. It’s too much effort and others will see you) when a septic truck decided he was going to make my worst fears come true…I would die eating donuts and everyone would know I went out a fatty! No, he couldn’t wait for me to pull up before he tried to plow into the back of me bcs apparently sucking shit was more important than eating it! Where would he be without the SIF? Alone in an empty shit truck that’s where! Per capita I would imagine that fatties account for more of what he sucks up than any other group of people. Luckily I pulled up in time to save myself the embarassment of my ashes being sprinkled over a Boston Cream.
On to the next annoying moment…the deaf and annoying drive through lady. I had to scream my order so that she could hear me. When is it appropriate to yell, ” I’ll have 50 donut holes and a large decaf?” Never! That’s as bad as, “Gimme a super sized fry and a Diet Coke!” The damn holes weren’t for me but all of Kill Devil Hills didn’t need to hear me order 50 freakin donut holes! Then she asked, “Do you want an assortment?” No. I’d like to tell you hole by hole which ones I want! As she handed me the holes I noticed “that look” on her face. That…”you ordered 50 holes and there’s no one else in the car look.” Sure did! I may be fat but at least I can hear! I pulled away wondering how many holes make up one donut? Can’t be sure…
I headed off for my meeting wondering why places like Dunkin Donuts and McDonalds don’t offer disocunts to overweight patrons? I mean…when you go to Costco you get a discount for buying in bulk yet these sort of establishments refuse to show some love to the fatties! If the average person buys one donut and a SIF buys 50, I think we deserve a break! I’m not talking one of those frequent vistor cards that the normal people get. I’m talkin a straight up fatty discount for weighing too much and eating too much! It could be like those trucker sacles on the highway. When you pull up to the drive through it registers your weight. Anything over 250 gets an automatic 25% discount! Anything under 100 and you get charged double. It’s Genious!
And I’m spent! By the end of the morning I was exhasuted by my own creative genious. The only bad news… No one showed up to the semniar and I was left staring 50 donut holes in the face. Yes, I could have donated them, or left them for the other people in the office but that just wouldn’t be “sisterly” now would it? No, I had to eat my way into a double digit hole count just to see how many it would take to stop me. I won’t be sharing that number for fear of utter shock. I’ll will leave you with this thought though, “When is it ok to eat 50 donut holes?” Answer…when you can wash them down with a Diet Coke! One cancels out the other. Stay tuned…