Sunday, August 17, 2008
Ok so I lied and said I would be posting a couple of days ago. Clearly I can’t be trusted. Last week was a long week and that’s all I have to say about that! A lot of my friends are going through “stuff” right now and I want to give them all a big shout out. My advice…eat something, you’ll feel better. Crack kills. Food fills. This economy is personally responsible for the latest 6lb addition to my family. No I haven’t been shagging the hubby and producing offspring. God help me no! It’s a nice sized fat pocket above my ass. Thanks! Now let’s get the last day of vacation out of the way bcs frankly even I’m getting tired of it!
I woke up on that last day ready to go back to my bed! Let me clarify, the vagina bed! Even that was a step up from the air filled sack I had been sleeping on for the last two days. Dad and I were going for a trail run that morning and I was pretty excited about that. Strike that. It’s time for a confession of sorts. While I enjoy running, I often envy those who wake up and drink coffee in their jammies while reliving the tales of the night before. There’s something very militant about waking up to torture yourself. That being said, it was trail running and I actually like that. Oh and our friends were cooking us breakfast so running got me out of cooking, breaking down the tent and all sorts of other things I didn’t want to do. As we ran by Borats abode I noticed that he was all packed up. All packed up and missing! I figured if he hadn’t killed us by now we must be in the clear. It was a beautiful morning. It wasn’t that sticky and there was a wet coat of dew on the grass. We began our climb to the top of the trail. Water was falling off the rocks and the streams were flowing full with water. Very cool. As we were running, I said to my Dad “Wouldn’t it be funny if we saw Borat out here.” No sooner did I say that and guess who’s coming down the trail in the opposite direction? It was a Borat! It was my first chance to get an up close look at the actor turned serial killer. I noticed he had his backpack. Hmmmm. Must have been burying his kill. As he passed by I said hello. He had no idea that I’d been having all of these “thoughts” about him and I certainly didn’t want to convey that in my first verbal exchange. Dad and I both agreed one thing… much uglier up close. Ewww.
The run was great. As we got closer to the campsite we could smell bacon waffling through the air. Even better than that, no Borat! He was gone! We headed over to our friends campsite to get our eat on! These were the friends I told you about before…camper, electricity, screened tent…very civilized! I headed to the buffet armed with the knowledge that I had earned my grub. The rest of those hussies were just storing fat! There was eggs, bacon, sausage, donuts and more. I pretty much ate myself into a coma. After that it was time to finish packing and get back to reality. I headed back to the house to prepare for the big parade that signifies the last night of the fair. Best part of the parade, they throw candy. Fat girls paradise. Yes I sit at the edge of my driveway and beat off small children to get to the goods. Allow me to clarify….I allow the chilluns to have the hard candies and I take everything else. Love the Carmel’s. Hey, it’s my house. Well my parents house. You can’t throw food at me and expect me look the other way…much less share!
We headed off for the last night of the fair. Big disappointment. The dang donut and fry tent closed early. Hello! We were over it and headed home. My husband decided that bcs there was a tropical storm looming in the OBX that we better stay another day. Yeah, that’s what I said. Nice excuse! But we stayed and took the opportunity to attend a pig roast on Sunday. My brother invited us and made sure to let me know how much food would be at my disposal. Sold. For $20 you got all the beer you wanted and all of the food you could eat. I ate my share, his share and everyone else’s share. I even packed a to go box! SIF Rule #325255…don’t invite fatties to an all you can eat buffet. We always get our monies worth. You won’t win this battle. Shocker…I didn’t drink a drop. My husband on the other hand got his monies worth drinking everything in site.
That’s a wrap! We survived a week with a serial killer and lived to tell about it. I’m excited to say that I’ll be back talking about all the latest fatty news very soon. Hope you enjoyed the vacation. We did!