Wow! My first post to Sisters in Fat on the new site! Whoooohoo! This is the space where I come alive. My inner fatty is dying to grab the spotlight again. Correct…she’s still here. Unless you know of a fatty muzzle, she’s not going anywhere anytime soon. I’ve missed my daily fat bits more than you know. Since I last left you I have a new husband, one less tit and skinny ankles. Not necessarily in that order. If one were to have a skinny…anything…I fear ankles would not be high on the list. But here at SIF we take leftovers…and compliments. *** While I know you can’t see me….I had to pause for a Peppermint Patty break. We are having a tryst; Patty and I. My husband is in the shower. Didn’t see it didn’t happen. I prefer her frozen. It helps me eat slower. Still a problem.***
Ok random sugar pause over. The skinny ankles…
My husband….greatest guy ever! To know him is to love him. When I told him he was to be the subject of my first blog since God knows when…he wasn’t what I would call thrilled. My inner voice is a shad different from his. His says things like “I love you” and “You are beautiful.” Which we all know is code for sex but it sounds good. Mine is like “I’m hungry” and I need to lose 200lbs.” So he wasn’t really sure how he was getting into the SIF club. Quite honestly I wasn’t either and then I remembered a tidbit he gave me whilst we were walking away calories one sunny afternoon. I can be a bit of a forensic fatty at times. I listen to what you say. Write it down. Watch your movements. That sort of thing. Listen I need material. He’s no exception. No one is safe. If I hear it and it fits may fatgenda…boom. Watch your back sisters. So we like to chat about everything when we walk. Life, work, the dog…. my ankles apparently.
It all began with dieting. Doesn’t everything? For fuck sake (yes Mother I am still saying that word) is there a day gone by when I haven’t been involved in some sort of caloric calamity? No. No there is not. I’ve moved on from the points, the carbs and the pills. Now I’m your fasting friend. Ello there. This involves going long periods with no food. *Pause for shock factor.* While I would have thought this impossible, I found the workaround. Of course I did. It’s what I do. I didn’t fall off the ice cream truck yesterday sisters. So you go 16 hours without eating and 8 hours eating. Can you even imagine what happens in those 8 hours? It’s food porn at best. If you starve me for 16 hours guess what happens? Feral Fatty fool! I am literally counting down the minutes until Lil’ Debbie and I can be together again. And when I’m done with her I move on to Peppermint Patty. I guess that makes me some sort of lesbian food porn star? I can’t be sure but lets go with it. I am an equal opportunity lover n all. The funny thing is….it works! You may not lose the weight as fast as the compliant crowd but it eventually comes off. I’ve been perfecting the art of FATsting for some time now. If you can throw in a trip or 2 to the gym….girl! People will stop you on the street to ask you what you are doing and tell you how good you look. Trickery at it’s finest! Unless they are your husband….
So 436 months into my new diet plan…oh wait…I’m supposed to call it a “Lifestyle Change”- whatevs….aint nothin’ changed. I just have fat allotments… we were walking, talking and carrying on. Out of nowhere my husband looks down and says “Your ankles look skinny.” I couldn’t have written it better myself. Sometimes life gives you these sorts of nuggets. I prefer chicken but beggars can’t be choosers. I would say pause for shock factor but I’m quite sure you did that without provocation. What does one say in this situation? I can’t remember. I may have passed out. Can’t be sure. If you ask the bitchy Google chick what causes fat ankles she will tell you “eating too much salty food.” Truth. Look it up. Should you delve further into “cankles” she will tell you that’s subcutaneous excess fat amassed in the lower calf and ankle. I look into these things from time to time. I had to break up with WebMD. It had my dying years ago. In any event, I think I might have said “thank you” so that he would help me up. I don’t recall. I do know what happened next…
It went something like ” Honey, when you tell a women she looks skinny we prefer a more prevalent body part. An arm, a leg…an ass. Almost anything will do.” An ankle? Who even cares about ankles? Unless your in heart failure I can’t imagine this ranks high on the list of areas to watch. His retort: “Oh honey. I just meant you look like you are losing weight.” He certainly gets points for noticing. However, we need to work on his geography. It wasn’t even an offense worthy of withholding sex. Why punish me for having skinny ankles? I like to think we can learn something from these situations. What I have learned? Men should probably never tell a woman she looks “skinny.” Ankles, ass…does it matter. You know how we are. “What….did you think I was fat?” And so it goes….