Unfiltered with kellerB | GLP-1 & Alcohol: The Truth Nobody’s Telling You
Let me tell you how this was supposed to go. I commit to taking a GLP-1. It does its thing. Suddenly I am skinny. Suddenly I don’t want wine anymore. I become one of those people who sips sparkling water at dinner and says things like “I don’t feel like drinking.” ~ Random sign of the cross~ So basically unrecognizable. No one thought any of this possible. Not my liver, not my waistline and certainly no one at the wine store. Never underestimate the power of fat girl magic. I singlehandedly invented the super-sized fry. True story. Order large fry/small fry enough…they catch on. Stupid healthy people had to kill my joy. I believed this drug would kill my appetite. But make me stop drinking wine? Even the Lort above wasn’t buying that….mmmkkkay. My brain had other plans.
Phase One: Oh Wow, This Actually Works
In the beginning I genuinely did not want wine. Like at all. My coveted evening glass of Rose’ just didn’t sound good. ~Pause for prayer sisters~ When I say glass, I mean bottle. LiS-Ten…everyone knows there’s no such thing as a “glass” of Rose’. Fact. I aint gonna lie on you. The initial nausea was to blame. It’s no fun drinking when you want to hurl. Beyond that, the craving was gone. I was one of “those” people. You would think I would embrace this as a positive. Not so much. Nobody puts baby in the corner without her Rose’…mmmkkkaay.
Phase Two: The Negotiation
I’m sufficiently cross trained in getting what I want. I’ve got 53 years under this elastic waistband. There needed to come a point when I would convince my brain that breaking up with Rose’ was a bad move. No one thought this was a good idea. I can’t count the number of times I told my brain to eat when it told me I wasn’t hungry. It was time to take back control of at least one thing! Once my stomach settled in and accepted this is what we’re doing now, the wine curiosity crept back in. Not desperation. Not habit. Just a quiet little knock on the door like, “Hey are we still doing this or what?”
Turns out, yes. Yes, we were.
Phase Three: The New Rules
So here’s where things get interesting. I thought I was “directing traffic” again. Rose- Yes Way! Time to bring back some fan favorites. Beer- No Way. Champs- Not Ta-day! Anything carbonated was nothing short of pornography emanating from my gut. Prosecco, hard seltzer, IPA…not so much. That is unless you want to hear me belch like a moose giving birth in a wind tunnel….mmmkkkay. There was some light in that wind tunnel…Wine. Wine and I have an understanding. A very fragile, specific understanding. Too much wine and there was a campfire brewing in my esophagus. The heart burn is FOR REAL! Take it one step past “too much” and I was running to the tur-let like my ass had received an Amber Alert…not ideal! I quickly realized the “crack” didn’t eliminate the craving long term. It added consequences. Who wants to be around a belching skinny chick who shits her pants? Everyone. Being skinny gives you the key to EVERYTHING. Trust me on this. I’m not saying it’s fair. It’s reality.
I’m 53. My Body Did Not Get the Memo.
Here’s the thing they don’t tell you. The GLP-1 isn’t even my biggest problem anymore. Being over 50 is. In my 40s I could put away a bottle of wine on a Tuesday, sleep 4 hours, wake up, and carry on like a fully functioning adult. Maybe a little dehydrated. Maybe a little hangry. But fine. Upright. Operational. Fast forward to 50… 2 glasses and the next morning requires a full recovery protocol. Liquid IV. A biscuit. A nap. My body sends an invoice and it is itemized. Between the GLP-1 consequences and the over-50 tax, you would think this is where I scaled back to a glass or 2 here and there. Not true. Here’s what I know…wine has more power over your brain than GLP-1. Let that settle in. Being 50 makes you less likely to tolerate bullshit like taking away your wine. Can I get an Amen sisters?! I reached out Eli Lilly to let them know they need a 50+ double blind study to address said issues. Not that I wanted them to actually fix it.
There was an incident. Exhibit A: book club. Over-50 book club, which if you’ve never been, is just wine with a book mentioned once at the beginning and never again. I drank too much. ~Pause for shock factor~ Woke up the next morning, decided I was going to the gym anyway because if I’m going to drink like an asshole I’m going to workout like one. That lasted approximately 11 minutes. And that was only bcs someone was talking to me. After that I left and went to McDonald’s for a biscuit. Where was my GLP-1 then? Where was the appetite suppression? The impulse control? The version of me that doesn’t need processed cheese on a carb at 9am to survive? Nowhere. Completely offline. Apparently hangovers are exempt.
What Nobody’s Saying Out Loud
There’s this narrative floating around that GLP-1s cure alcohol cravings, they rewire your relationship with booze, they’re basically sobriety in a shot. And for some people? Maybe. I believe them. But for the rest of us…the ones who just really like wine on the porch at the end of a day it doesn’t erase the pleasure. It just changes the math. I’d rather you hear that from someone who’s a year+ in and still reaching for a glass on a Friday than from someone selling you a cleaner version of this story. Like most things…you can make it dirty if that’s your thang. My brain found a workaround. It always does. That’s fat girl magic at its core. Aint no drug changin’ that sisters….
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