Tuesday, April 5, 2011
I find it ironic my Google login for this blog is “imreadytogetfit.” I’ll leave that one alone. In addition to failed cyber committments, all 867lbs of me is getting ready to run a half marathon. Why? Can’t be sure.Why does anyone run? Post race consumption of course. I’m bankin at least 1000 calories. I’m a banker now n all. I can eat that back before noon easy. That’s why those races start at 7am…need time to replenish whilst still socially accpetable to do so. Since the doctor made me break up with beans I’ve been whoring around town paying top dollar to graze on carbohydrates. I still don’t know why the beans revolted. I’ll find out next week when we get back together. Look..I have exactly 60 days to lose as many pounds. Bikini or a pine box? Either way I’ll be comfortable. Actually I would prefer to be charbroiled upon my demise. The blacker the berry the sweeter the juice. Who knows who I’ll meet on the other side. Could be chilly could be hot. Can’t be sure. I wonder if they serve fries in Heaven? Sounds like a good book.
Allegedly it’s going to be 150 degrees on race day. You know what that means? Spandex shorts. I apologize in advance to the spectators. Vanity goes out the window after 85 degrees. Me, my muffins and my honey buns will be showing all sorts of love. It’s like a train wreck. Just stare, ask the appropriate questions and then remind yourself your fat ass is watching me run. Thank you. In any event, there’s always a good story to follow plus sized running. Check back next week for “Fatty runs with a side of beans.” HIde the children.