Retraction

So….sometimes in the heat of the moment we say or do things that may come back to bite us at a later date. If you were one of the lucky recipients of yesterdays blog, you now own a copy of something that no longer exists! As Blogmaster extraordinaire I made the executive decision to delete yesterdays post. Why you ask? Well…let’s just say that fine piece of literature that I created yesterday was the result of anger, Bud Light and poor decisions by someone we’ll call “spouse.” Thus a recipe for disaster. Let me clarify, I meant every word I said BUT I felt that in the wrong hands this particular post may cause me to get less sex than I already do. Although I don’t believe that’s possible, I couldn’t take a chance. Obviously I survived the ordeal and thus have lived to “tell” of it. I will not, however, be telling of it here on the SIF blogspot! I am now free of “my burden” until it rears it’s fat head again. Those of you who read yesterday’s blog will appreciate the subtle undertones.

I left you with a thought yesterday….when you lunch with a friend and that friend orders salad and proceeds to eat all of your fries, at what point must you rage war on this person? Immediately if not sooner! This little blurb is dedicated to my vegetarian, fry stealin, salad orderin lunch buddy! For fear of retaliation, I will not mention her name but I will say it starts with an E, ends with a Y, and sounds like Kemily. Love you! At no point in time is this an acceptable practice. As a true SIF I rarely order salad. A. The low fat dressing sucks and 2. A salad covered in ranch while yummy is the fry equivalent. As a true friend I take humiliation head on. This is how it all goes down… the waitress approaches, my lunch buddy (in typical skinny girl fashion) orders a healthy salad. I, of course, order my sandwich and fries with a prideful smile, fat in my eyes and all while asking for extra ranch for dipping! As the orders are placed we both know how this is about to go down. In an effort to head her off at the pass I comment on the disproportionate amount of fries to sandwich size. Translation…back off bitch! In the event that my subtleties are not recognized, I turn my plate; fry side away from aforementioned fry thief. In spite of all my hard work, within minutes the salad fork hits the table and my fries are leaving the plate two sometimes three at a time. Highly traumatized I try to appear generous and say things like, “Oh sure, have as many as you want.” If there was an Oscar for lunch time drama…I’d be holdin the statue! Then comes the icing on the cake, the dipping of the stolen goods in my ranch dressing. Damn Gina! At no point am I shoplifting croutons from the salad yet I’m being robbed blind in plain view of other SIF! On a good day I chalk it up to eating less fat/calories. On a bad day, physical violence is a real possibility! My dear lunch friend knows I say all of this in jest. However comma, she has the war wounds to remind her to think twice before fry napping. The next time you go to lunch with a friend ask yourself this question, “Is it better to get what you want and fear the SIF stigma or should you perpetrate as a salad in fry clothing and steal from others who put their shame on the table for all to see?” Stay tuned…..