Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Let me start by saying that I haven’t fallen off the wagon… yet. Quite a milestone for a Tuesday! However, if you smell chocolate while reading this, there’s a good chance it’s because I’m eating some. Aunt Flo is visiting and that bitch has no shame! She can take a fat girl down in a heartbeat! No worries…it’s a Powerbar. Invented by a man to make you feel better about eating 20 grams of sugar. So anyway…I was reliving my weekend (pre-martini) and I had a sudden flashback from my drive of shame through McDonald’s (post martini) drive-thru. After placing my order for a #2 supersized with a Coke (true fat girls know all about some #2 combo!), I pulled around to pay the toothless wonder tasked with collecting my dollars of sinful shame. I noticed out of the corner of my eye that a firetruck was pulling in. Several thoughts came to mind:
1. If there’s a fire they betta get my #2 through that window before the place burns down! I am one hung over heffa and there aint nothin like a McDonald’s #2 to make a SIF feel better.
2. Firetrucks have hot firefighters…or maybe not! I’m all worried about my fat ass being in line for a #2 as I’m watching a parade of guts & suspenders jumping off the truck! I’d like to say it ruined my appetite but that’s just not possible. I was hoping the firefighter from my gym wasn’t on board as I live a lie Monday thru Friday and wasn’t prepared to face him with a #2 in my hands.
I was planning on driving home to eat my #2 but that would have been a shad too civilized for this SIF. I was half way through my fries when I decided to pull around back, hide and eat in a parking space. I have a certain fry to burger bite ratio that I like to adhere to and it was now thrown off by my indecisiveness. Small problem but a problem nonetheless. Then I remembered I super-sized my #2 and all was right with the world. At the end of the day I had to ask myself…”If your favorite combo meal is named #2, should you find some hidden meaning there?” Let’s add to that…”Can any good come from super-sizing your #2?” Stay tuned..