Dearest Gentle Reader,
Sorry wrong blog (IYKYK). I’m all caught up on Bridgerton and in a bit of a panic that I have to wait 10 years for the next season. I’m menopausal. My memory has a 6 month shelf life…best case. What’s with all the waiting for the shows I love? Get crackin’ already Hollywood. Don’t get me started on Yellowstone. No Kevin? No show….mmmkkay. So I’m on my 10th round of Outlander. That never gets old. I have visions of traveling back in time to enjoy a simple life sans technology. The problem being I kinda like showering and indoor plumbing. Jamie’s hot n all but I’m not sure he’s hot enough to overcome the 1778 stench. Claire seems ok with it. Hell, if I was married to Frank I’d travel back in time and bang just about anyone to escape his ass. And I wouldn’t come back…baby or no baby! Sorry Bri. I don’t have the kind of luck that lands me in the arms of a hot Scottsman enjoying endless hours of sexy time. I’d end up like Maa Ingalls…broke on the prairie, pushing out kids with bad teeth married to Mr. Morality. I’d rather stick pins in my vag, thanks. So that’s what I’ve been doing….catching up on my shows. Lies all lies.
Do you ever feel like you start working on one thing which leads to 100 other things and you get lost in all those things? That’s what I’ve been doing. Things. In my world I could write every day and finally get my podcast up and running. However comma, no one seems to live in my world and entertaining you doesn’t pay my wine bills (yes plural). So I have this other thing I do called “a job.” Recently I switched jobs. Ok when you are 20 not 51…almost 52. It’s been a bit chaotic. Learning new systems on a laptop where all the keys are in a different place. Good times. I did not take typing in high school. My brain “just knows” where the keys are. Or at least it did. Now I have 2 laptops with 2 different keyboards. Imagine I gave you 2 different pairs of glasses and told you to go on about your day. Like that. So Helen kellerB over here had to take some things off her plate in order to maintain her sanity in the midst of the Tomfuckery that is my life at present. I paused my French lessons for a bit. I’m never going to be able to pronounce the “R” or make everything I say sound like sex on a stick like they do. So for now I’ll sound like a dumb American who can order coffee and a “kwawsant.” Is there really anything else you need to know? Yes, I gave up a language for you. Il n’y a pas de quoi!
So where is all this newly created time? Yes, I’m asking you bcs I sure as hell don’t know. It’s trickery. When you make time there are sneaky time elves that come in while you sleep and fill up your day with other things you need to do that aren’t what you made time for. Fuckin elves. Why must I cuss? I certainly don’t have enough time in my day to explain that! Mmmmmkay. As my girlfriend likes to say, “Doesn’t Mother Fucker just sounds good at the end of sentence?” Why yes it does. She’s a keeper. Thoughts come directly from my head to one of 2 keyboards. No filter. Sorry not sorry. While I’m back on the keyboard rant….what’s with this new snarky technology that decides what word I’m trying to type and auto corrects it? Um….no thank you ummmmmmkkkay! If I want to break verbs I’m breakin em. I don’t need the Apple police cleaning up my bad grammar. Rant over. Where was I? Time. I’m working on working you back in. To show your appreciation you can keep reading, sharing, subscribing, tweeting, twatting and whatever the hell else is required of you. As my boy Rob Base says, “It takes 2 to make a thing go right…..Hit it!”